I’ve been a little ADD this week for some reason. My best guess is that my energy level is finally going up and just hit me a little too fast to process. I actually started writing this post when I was supposed to be finishing up previous one. That one got posted a day later than planned and I kept adding to this because I don’t do Twitter.
There were some reps from Lifetime Fitness in our lobby at work today. They were advertising free seminars on sugar and carbs. I considered asking if there would be free samples.
I’m pretty sure Mort falls pretty low on the emotional intelligence scale. He’ll try and play with Schmutz, she’ll get all pissy, flatten her ears down and growl at him like she wants rip his throat out. And then he just stares at her in mild confusion and tries to play with her again. Aren’t you supposed to be able to understand the body language of your own species? It’s like if someone was brandishing a knife at me screaming “Die bitch die!” and I was all “Let me give you a hug and we can be besties!”
Every single stupid person I’ve encountered in the last week has been from Portland.* I’ve never been to Portland, but based on current experience I can only assume that it really needs to get its shit together. And maybe put more birds on things.
I want to quite my job and design non-crappy ceiling fans. Really.
Matt started to have a small freak out about having everything ready for the baby. I am so not used to being the calm, rational one in our relationship. It was mildly unsettling.
Against my better judgement, I got sucked into a political argument on Facebook. What outraged me the most was that someone replied to me and clearly did not understand how quotations work (she also missed my point entirely, but that seemed like the smaller issue). I was all ready to reply to her with just a link to the “Blog” of “Unnecessary” Quotations Marks, but then the thread got deleted. It was probably for the best.
Actually, any time I get sucked into a crazy political discussion that gets to the point where people aren’t even trying to acknowledge there are other viewpoints besides theirs and all I’m doing is repeating myself and I should just stop except now I’m pissed and have some irrational desire to have the last word even though I know it’s really pointless… then I think I should reply with a link to Wil Wheaton collating paper. If you want to steal this idea, feel free to substitute whatever random link you choose. It just has to leave people questioning “wtf just happened here?” If I get sucked into a real life discussion that deteriorates that far, I’m just going to scream “THIS IS HOW SOCIETY BREAKS DOWN!” and run away before anyone can respond.
I thought first baby kicks were supposed to be all soft and bubbly like “butterflies” or “popcorn popping” according to the books. I started thinking I was having crazy muscle spasms or something because it kept feeling like I was getting elbowed in the abdomen, only the calls were coming from inside the house. I asked about it was told, nope, that sounds likes baby kicks. I’m a little afraid of what this is going to feel like once the kid is larger than a potato.
Matt thought the baby kicks sounded adorable, so I started elbowing him in the stomach.
While sitting at the table I suddenly became convinced that I had broken a rib. Apparently spontaneous rib dislocation is skipped in all the pregnancy books. Instead they waste their time talking about butterfly-like kicking.
On my drive into work today I was behind a truck with both a “Flammable Gasses” and “Non-Flammable Gasses” sign attached to it. That’s a pretty serious mixed message.
Netflix emailed me telling me they just added a TV show they think I’d like: Ultimate Beastmaster. Given that I mostly watch nature documentaries or crime shows, I think either they’re really confused or this show has a way more violent ending than it sounds. It’s also possible they know about all those Saturdays I spent binge-watching Ninja Warrior marathons on cable.
I have a WordPress plugin that judges the “readability” of my posts. They’re rarely rated as “good” and it tells me I use the passive voice too much. Well, I live in Minnesota, we’re supposed to be passive. If you don’t like it I may have to leave a politely worded sticky note implying that you should bugger off. Please.
Facebook could be vastly improved if it gave you the following options when you choose to hide a post:
- I don’t care what pages my friends like
- I don’t care about people I don’t actually know
- This is bullshit and I don’t want to see it
I just bought a pair of jeggings. Don’t judge me.
*If you’re from Portland, I’m sorry. I’m not saying everyone in Portland is stupid, it just seems like some sort of idiot virus broke out over there in the last week. You may want to take some precautions before you catch it too. Or before it spreads.